Life is short, and I am wasting mine away

I envy most lead fictional characters of well-enough written stories. With their foes, their moral dilemmas, the high(ish) stakes. Wether they live in a manichean or a complex world, what matters usually is obvious. In these worlds, one knows what they have to care about if they want

Here? Not so much.

I feel I missed something. Took the wrong turn somewhere and dove way too much into ultimately pointless and meaningless excessively time-consuming things.

And although I don't know what it is I have missed, I could name a few candidates:

• My first relationship, completely wrecked by my decade long depression
• College, which I never really attended
• Working on something I could actually care about
• ... ?

Each and everyone of those could, in it's own right be what I'm missing, but  I somehow know none of them are.

What is it then? I don't know. I have no idea.

So, in short (pun intended), life is short, and I am wasting mine away.